Name Them One by One

The first time I started a gratitude journal, I was in a bad place spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. I would probably call this time of my life "the dark ages". I had no ambition, I was depressed, and I had quit everything that was good in my life. I knew that God loved me, but I was still struggling and didn't really have a relationship with Him. After "a last straw" moment, I decided that I had had enough. Enough sorrow, enough crying, and enough self-inflicted pain. I was done being miserable. But I wasn't sure how to pull myself out of this "funk".

One of my friends happened to ask me along to Target with her one night. While there, she wanted to go look at notebooks. While she was trying to decide on which one to buy, I wandered over to where the journals were. One caught my eye. It had the word "gratitude" on it in big, happy, swirly letters. I decided then that I wanted to be more grateful. I wanted to write down the things in my life that made me happy. In an act of desperation, I bought a journal (not the gratitude one, because, although, it had the word I wanted, I didn't really like what it looked like...). The first few days were really hard for me to think of things that made me smile, made me want to wake up, and those things that made breathing worth it. I started finding quotes that made me smile, or feel good, and I added those to my entries. I started on a journey that would change my life.

Slowly, I started to notice a change. I was smiling again. I was happy! My days seemed brighter, even though I was living in Northern Utah, and there was always a cloud of gray smog hanging over the valley. The best outcome was the fact that I was going throughout my day looking for things that I could write down. I was ignoring the bad and magnifying the good in my life.

After awhile, there was just too much to write about, and I stopped writing in my gratitude journal, but it had achieved it's purpose. I was happy. I had things I loved. And best of all, it helped me develop a relationship with my Savior, and understand a little bit better that I am a daughter of God, who really loves me. It wasn't too much later that I decided to serve a mission, which only cemented everything that I had learned, and helped me gain an even stronger testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ. I have kept more gratitude journals, miracle journals, and just plain good things journals to help me recognize the hand of the Lord in my life, and it has helped me so much. President Monson said, "Sincerely giving thanks not only helps us recognize our blessings, but it also unlocks the doors of heaven and helps us feel God's love." I have see this happen in my own life.

I always loved thinking of things I am grateful for. This gratitude journal is was inspired me to start this blog in the first place. I have so many blessings in my life. So many tender mercies from the Lord. I am grateful for all of my experiences, even those that make me wonder if I can make it through. They make me a strong person. One of my favorite quotes that I wrote down in my first gratitude journal is by Mother Teresa,

“I am a little pencil in God's hands. He does the thinking. He does the writing. He does everything and sometimes it is really hard because it is a broken pencil and He has to sharpen it a little more.”

How grateful I am, even though it is hard, for those "sharpening days". Although it hurts and is hard, I always know that my Savior and Heavenly Father are near. "Count your blessings, name them one by one, and it will surprise you what the Lord has done".