Queenly

So, because of my copious amount of free time that I dread enjoy every day at work, I have taken to making cutesy little things like that which is to the right ---->. Neat, huh? I like it. Turns out I can be rather creative when I want to be. Now, on to thinking of original things to put on them!

I have a lot of things going on in my life right now. Work, grad school, church responsibilities (which, might be getting bigger any day now, which adds to my stress), and family things. I know that I am not as busy as many people I know, and, admittedly, I have more free time now than I have since before my mission. Four and a half years of running around like a chicken with it's head cut off, and now I feel like I am not that busy - and yet, just as stressed. Weird. The point is, Heavenly Father takes care of me. He still provides those tender mercies that help me through the day. I am so thankful for that. It's like a friend posting on your Facebook wall/message, or sending a text, just because they can - because they care. Heavenly Father cares.  He loves me. I am reminded of that every day. I love thinking of the scripture in Nephi that talks about tender mercies, and how they are to help them be mighty, even unto the power of deliverance. Awesome thought. I feel that way. I feel that when I receive a prompting, or something unexpected happens, it makes me a little bit stronger, and gives me the strength I need to make it through the day. Our God, truly, is an awesome God. And the best part? He loves you just as much as he loves me. No contest.

When the Storm Clouds Gather

Sometimes it's everything I can do to make it through the day.
It's so hard to drag my tired body out of bed, shower, and choose an outfit for work. Especially on dark, rainy days. Days when the sun can't quite make it through the the dense clouds.

Sometimes, I feel like my good mood has a layer of clouds it has to fight before it can get out.  The sad thing is, I have to keep living. I can't hide in my room and wait for the storm to pass. So what do I do? I get out of bed, fall to my knees and pray like crazy that things will get better. 

Because of the drought this year, we haven't been seeing a lot of rain, and water has been getting low. Yesterday, while I was driving home from my grad program's orientation meeting, there were storm clouds most of the way home, and I couldn't be anything but grateful for the rain that was pounding my car and pooling on the road. Although it was dangerous, it was needed. I was thinking about how this could apply to my own metaphorical clouds. Usually, whenever I am having a bad day, I always turn to The Lord for help. I go throughout the day with a prayer in my heart that I will be okay, this gives me an outpouring of the spirit that I can hopefully conserve and keep, even when things aren't quite so dreary, but sometimes those are the hardest times, because it's easy to forget to read the scriptures and pray when things are going well.

I don't even have words to say how happy having the gospel in my life makes me. I'm thankful for that. 

Things I am AFRAID to tell you

I saw this on another blog that I was reading today, and I thought that I would give it a try. I thought it might count towards liking that part of me that I don't think others would like if they knew. 

1. I have a hard time liking the way I look. Every once in awhile I will look in the mirror and thing, Dang! I look great today! But those times are very few. I can't even tell you what it is exactly that I don't like, or wish I could change, but, there it is... The Ugly Truth. Almost literally.

2. I really struggle with confrontation. Most of the time 

I will do anything to avoid it. I will even give up my own wants/feelings/whateverness to avoid it. That doesn't seem much of a sacrifice to me, comparatively. Since my mission and after taking a few classes, I have come to know about the importance of communication, but still, sometimes I just get scared and don't want to deal with things. 

3. I am terrified of the dark. Really. I usually just close my eyes tight and try to fall asleep as soon as I can. The funny thing is, I can't sleep if there is a light on anywhere, so I feel like I'm stuck. Most of the time if someone is with me, I'm fine. Maybe this is why I want a dog so much?

4. Sometimes I pick my nose. Blowing just doesn't do the trick! I've become really aware of this problem because I work in a facility that has cameras in every single room, except the bathroom. I'm sure the person in the control room just giggles when I go to town digging for gold. 

5. I have PCOS (poly-cystic ovarian syndrome), and I hate it. I hate the not knowing what causes it, I hate the not knowing how to fix it, and I especially hate that I always feel guilty whenever I eat something I shouldn't. And the thing I hate the most - the nasty symptoms. They are so awesome... NOT! I guess in the long run it's not the most terrible thing I could have, but it's still bothersome, and I hate it so. I guess this could be thrown in with #1, but I feel like my body has betrayed me somehow, and so I have a hard time accepting this part of myself. 

6. I take things personally. Things I shouldn't. And I know I do it, so most of the time I can stop myself, but every once in awhile, I will totally tear myself apart for not being good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, or anything enough. 

7. When I feel guilty, you can make me do anything. Really. Although, now that I am aware of this, I am trying to fix it, but people that want to take advantage, totally can. All I've got to say about this, parents, be careful raising your kids. 

8. I had a hard time adjusting to middle school - a REALLY hard time. So much so that we almost decided to put me back in fifth grade, it was so close that we were in the principal's office, and I was totally ready to go to school that day, even if my new teacher had to be the worst/meanest one, but thank goodness, the principal told me to try sixth grade for just a little bit longer. I am pretty sure my mom thought I was possessed for the longest time, but once we got my home room switched around, I was mostly okay. Before this incident, I was a know-it-all, spitfire brat, after, well... Next item. 

9. I used to be painfully shy. I hated making eye contact/talking with people. I hated talking on telephones or being places where there were lots of people. I don't really have a problem anymore, but am still quiet. Mostly I just like to watch people. But, thanks to my mission, I will do pretty much anything that needs to be done, now. My boss is loving it. Ha.  
10. Sometimes I get mad at Heavenly Father. I've always had simple faith, and have always trusted that things would work out the way the are supposed to... But every so often I look around at my friends who are married, or having babies, and I am heart broken that I can't have that yet. And sometimes I doubt I ever will. I get mad because a) it's a commandment to get married, so why can't I? and b) it's something that I really want, so, again, why can't I? Yes, I know, we are here to have trials and everything will be made right and blah blah blah. I know the answers, and yet, still, I get mad. I'm human. 

Positive Affirmations

What a terribly ungrateful summer I have had! And I haven't really even been that terribly busy... not compared to spring semester at least.
I have a lot of things to be thankful for. First and most important, the fact that I am a Daughter of God. And I get to know all about it! I'm tired of the self-loathing that the world preaches. Today I make my stand. I am strong because I am weak. There are things that I have to work at, struggle with, and fight for. I am not gorgeous, perfect, and I am not particularly brilliant. I have to carve out what I am. It's hard, and a lot of times it makes me cry. But it builds me up. I stand today, not a perfect individual, but one willing to try for it, to put in the effort required. I will continue to fight for who I am, and that gives me strength. I did not come to Earth to while away my time, or to be miserable. I am here to grow, to consistently run into walls of doubt and pain, and overcome those. I am  a Daughter of God, and he LOVES me. Loves ME. Loves me enough to give me the opportunity to realize my own strength. I will face the world head on, and I will do it with joy in my heart, knowing my future is secure. Come what may and LOVE it!