Be Still and Know

The last few weeks have been rather stupid hard. In April/May when I was deciding what to do and where to go after spring semester, I felt strongly that I needed to come home for at least the summer. I still hadn't decided if I wanted to for sure go to graduate school or not yet, (although I had applied and payed way too much on an application fee for not being sure...). So I came home. I applied for full-time jobs, and I just trusted that this was where I was supposed to be. Then I actually got accepted into graduate school. How that happened, I don't know. I guess stranger things have happened, but whatever. So then I had to figure out if that was something that I really, really wanted. Sometimes I'm still wondering, even though I have started classes and things are on their way...  

So, anyway, a couple of weeks ago, I was up in Logan for my orientation for graduate school, and I had this feeling of uncertainty - again - about where I was, and what I was doing with my life. I was ready to pack up and move anywhere, mostly because the last four years have been spent packing and moving. I wasn't used to staying in one spot... But somehow I sucked it up and came home anyway. When I got home, the first Sunday back, the branch president asked to meet with me, and asked me to be the new Relief Society president in the YSA Branch. Which still has me in a complete tail spin. I guess I doubt myself way too much to feel that I am the right person for these girls, but, I accepted - only because while praying and fasting about it, I re-read my patriarchal blessing, and found an entire paragraph that talks about this part in my life. With this discovery, came the greatest outpouring of the spirit and of love that I have ever felt.  I have never felt more sure about where I am supposed to be. Which is shocking. Never in my life had I thought that I would be in this place, at this time. I never planned this. And although this would have been the last place on earth I would have ever wanted to be, I finally feel like I am on the right track, and that all the other things I have done in my life have lead up to this. I am confident in who I am. I recognize that I am not enough, but I know that it's okay.... It's more than okay. I have been amazed by God's plans before, but this has me baffled. How did he know? It seems like a silly question. God knows everything. In 1 Nephi 9:6, it reads: But the Lord knoweth all things from the beginning; wherefore, he prepareth a way to accomplish all his works among the children of men; for behold, he hath all power unto the fulfilling of all his words. And thus it is. Amen. 

I am so glad that we have a loving Heavenly Father. He rocks. When I was set apart yesterday, I was able to feel a tiny bit of his love for me, and for those girls that have been placed in my care, and guess what, it's amazing. I am so scared excited for the opportunity that I will have to grow even more. Someone once told me that it's better to be mediocre in the church, because then no one ever asks you to do anything hard. It's not true. I have never felt more mediocre, in comparison, in my whole life, and here I am. I don't want to be mediocre. I want to be awesome. I want to fulfill whatever it is that God is asking me to do. I only pray that I will be able to be worthy of His help, because that's the only way it's going to get done.  I love this gospel, I love my Savior, and here we go...